Just The 6 Of Us

Why I haven’t been blogging and have been quiet about my weight loss journey;

NO….

I am leaving all my past mistakes behind me. I am starting over from scratch.  My new story has begun.

Let me be honest and tell you that the 1st day of 2013 wasn’t so great. I had plans. Right in the middle of my productive morning our electric went out.  It was out for 6 HOURS!

I spent the day playing with my boys & I did a little reading. By the time our electric came back on, I was anxious to get back to all the things I wanted to do. By then the day was gone, I was frustrated, and of course my boys took off in different directions.

I was browsing Facebook and came across this:

“Welcome to Flight # 2013. We are prepared to take off into the New Year. Please make sure your Attitude and Blessings are secured and locked in an upright position. All self destructive devices should be turned off at this time. All negativity, hurt and discouragement should be put away. Should we lose Altitude under pressure during the flight, reach up and pull down a Prayer. Prayers will automatically be activated by Faith. Once your Faith is activated you can assist other passengers. There will be NO BAGGAGE allowed on this flight. The Captain has cleared us for takeoff. Destination GREATNESS.”

Wow, just wow! I am not sure if any of you needed to read this, but I did, and it’s to good not to share! So tomorrow I will continue with my plans and blog about them, but tonight I will reflect on the above paragraph and think about……….

I will choose this today and every day after that! For so long being unhappy with myself, my circumstances, and every other thing that went wrong in my life made choosing to be happy very difficult.

Reflecting back on those dark days of self destruction, makes me wonder why I didn’t just chose to be happy. I believe if I had that mindset it would have been easier to get to where I wanted to be.

Most folks are about as happy as they make their minds up to be. ~Abraham Lincoln

How many times do we all talk bad about ourselves, whether it be to others or to ourselves? Do you look in the mirror and see everything that is wrong, but not notice the beauty, determination and potential that resides in you? I know I did. This is what I would say:

1. I am fat
2. I am to big to even try to exercise
3. There is no way I can run
4. I would see my friends lose weight and say, there is no way I can diet
5. I wish I looked like….
6. I will never fit into size…

When we change the way we feel, when we can change the way we talk to ourselves. Instead of saying the above things I mentioned, change it to:

1. I love myself.
2. I am going to do 1 small workout a day. I CAN do it.
3. I can’t run yet, but I CAN walk.
4. It’s a LIFE STYLE CHANGE. I will make one small change a day.
5. I am one of a kind.
6. One day at a time, 1lb at a time and one dress size at a time.

When you start to talk negative about yourself, stop and think. Would I say these things to a friend or a loved one? If the answer is no, then don’t do it to you!

When I decided to care enough about myself, get back to being happy, willing to face the obstacles, I knew in my heart the changes I was going to make were not so difficult and out of reach.

Happiness is a form of courage. ~Holbrok Jackson

You can be happy with yourself and in your life. You woke up this morning, didn’t you? Then you have something to be happy about. Keep thinking I deserve this, I am worth it, I will be happy. Feel the enthusiasm, believe it and have faith in yourself.

I believe in you!

People are like stained-glass windows.  They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.  ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Back in July, I proclaimed that “change was coming”. I followed through with that promise to myself and 30 Days later I am still going strong. Let me back track a bit.

After the death of my brother last October, I crawled into a hole and hid myself from everyone and everything. I ate until I gained over 20lbs, my online presence was limited and I only spoke to those I wanted to. I did reach out a couple of times and tried to get myself back on track. When in reality I was only lying to myself, and giving false hope to those around me who truly cared.

Silently, I watched those around me (who had similar goals as mine) reach them, surpass them and celebrate. Inside, I was dying and wishing it was me, but didn’t have the courage to do it. One person in particular I was jealous over, my friend, Suzanne. Back before my brother’s accident, she and I were on a mission to reach our goals. She started a new program with ViSalus, called the 90 Day Challenge. She didn’t tell anyone, except a very few, exactly what she was doing. I was dismissive and wished her luck. I watched her lose 52lbs in 90 days! I watched her husband join her and they lost 125lbs together and won The Body By Vi Couples Championship.

She knew I was not ready to take my life back, but every once in a while she would talk to me about joining the challenge. She would say something like, I miss the old Trish. I miss the passion and the light that you used to carry in you. The joy, encouragement, and support you give to all those that are trying to reach their goals.  Dale would lovingly suggest, I get out to the gym, work out. I was surrounded by so much patience, support and love, but all I would do is listen, and not really hear them.

I wish I could say that I woke up one morning in July and had this “ah-ha” moment. You know, where everything is clear and I was me again. I am not exactly sure how it happened. All I said to her was, I’m ready.  As I said those words, I wasn’t even sure I meant it. Although, deep down I wanted to, I really did.

I joined the ViSalus family & started my own 90 Day Challenge. During that first week, I was still trying to figure out if this was for me. I still didn’t have any motivation to talk about it or exercise for that matter. The only thing I did was make that blog post in July. I think, I was trying to convince myself that I was doing it, whether I liked it or not. More than anything, I didn’t want to let anyone down.

That first week went by fast and I halfheartedly stepped on the scale, and to my surprise I was down 6lbs. Now understand there is no fire in me, but I saw that number and I felt it spark. Fast forward to my second week, I was down 4 more lbs. The fire is burning low now. I am a little excited. I’ve started to post on FaceBook more, I am actually talking about it. I want the accountability. I feel the passion for this journey again. By the middle of August I down 15lbs, I am fire and I AM BACK! I even take before and after photos and post them on our team’s group page.

Me after 30 Days

July-August

One thing that Suzanne said to me, that will remain with me forever was this, “Trish, I knew you could do it. Before, all you could see was your brother, and your pain. He is still there, but now you can see YOU.”

Dale tells me all the time how beautiful I am, but when he tells me he can see me slimming right down, that is what makes me want to work harder! As I head into Sept, I’m excited to hit that 20lb mark and I am more excited than I thought I could ever be, about me.

All I want to do now is help others feel this joy, this passion.

After 9 long months…….

I am happy.

I’ve been thinking about this, but not in the context of  “oh whoa is me”. My thoughts are about what’s next for me. What is it that I want?

Change!

I want change to happen. And the only way for that to become true, is if I make it so.  I’ve been trudging along, seemingly happy with myself, my life, and those in it.

Pfffftttttt! Ahahahaha!

I had a “light bulb” moment; I am not as happy as I could be and want to be. Time to make a change & work on me!  I have some very exciting things in the works and I can’t wait to get started.

Stay tuned!

“When your feathers are soaked and your eyes are too bloody to see,
and you pulled every punch that you had but there’s one that you need,
then you’ve waited too long, there’s a hole in your heart,
and all you’ve become is emotionally overrun.”
~Gavin DeGraw

This was me.

About a month ago, I was watching an episode of Grey’s Anatomy (season 6). One of their closest friends died. I wasn’t sure that I could get through it.  I am glad that I did, because the dialogue hit me so hard.

Meredith (narrating): The dictionary defines grief as keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret. As surgeons, as scientists, we’re taught to learn from and rely on books, on definitions, on definitives. But in life, strict definitions rarely apply. In life, grief can look like a lot of things that bear little resemblance to sharp sorrow.

Lexie: “Grief may be a thing we all have in common, but it looks different on everyone.”

Mark: “It isn’t just death we have to grieve. It’s life. It’s loss. It’s change.”

Alex: “And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad. The thing we gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime.”

Izzie: “That’s how you stay alive. When it hurts so much you can’t breathe, that’s how you survive.”

Derek: “By remembering that one day, somehow, impossibly, you won’t feel this way. It won’t hurt this much.”

Bailey: “Grief comes in its own time for everyone, in its own way.”

Owen: “So the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty.”

Meredith: “The really crappy thing, the very worst part of grief is that you can’t control it.”

Arizona: “The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes.”

Callie: “And let it go when we can.”

Meredith: “The very worst part is that the minute you think you’re past it, it starts all over again.”

Cristina: “And always, every time, it takes your breath away.”

Meredith: “There are five stages of grief. They look different on all of us, but there are always five.”

Alex: “Denial.”

Derek: “Anger.”

Bailey: “Bargaining.”

Lexie: “Depression.”

Richard: “Acceptance.”

When the episode was over, I knew that someday I would get to acceptance.

Finally, I am there.

All the other blog posts I wrote about myself and all the advice in the world, wasn’t going to help me. Not until I got here….acceptance.

To quote myself: “Life goes on, whether we are actively participating in it or not. I choose to participate.”

Hello life, I’m back!

I think my kids are hilarious little creatures. I sit back, enjoy and laugh at what I hear them say to each other and to me. This gives you a little snippet of what can be heard in my house.

Conversations:

Me: “You can have a Ginger Ale”

Adam: “why?”

Me: “Because you  were going to ask”

Adam: “how’d you know”

Me: *creepy little smile*

Adam: “Mom stop that’s scary!”

_____________________

Adam: “Mom you know what will cheer you up?”

Me: “What baby?”

Adam: “brownies!”

Me: “You want to make me brownies?”

Adam: “No, you can make me some & I’ll give you one, k?”

_____________________

Adam: “How does Santa know if you’re bad or good?”

Me: “He can see you”

Adam: “Oh wow, all the time?

Me: “Yes”

Adam: “Sorta like Jesus?”

_____________________

Adam to Elias: “Why do YOU have to be so.so.so”

Me: “Difficult?”

Adam: “YES, that’s the long word I can’t say right, Eli you’re what Mom said!”

_____________________

Adam: “Mom it’s getting chillippy in here”

Me: “huh?”

Adam: “You know chilly, but you say nippy, so I said both together. Cuz I’m smart”

Me: “ahahaha”

Elias: “You’re not smart”

Adam: “DUDE, I am TOOODAY! You didn’t come up with chill…chill..”

Elias: “See not smart, you can’t remember what you just said”

Adam: “Sooooo, I came up with it first even if I don’t remember it. SO THERE. I.AM.SMART!”

_____________________

Adam to Elias: (in a deep, dark cryptic voice) “you’re soul is mine”

_____________________

Elias to Me:  “Hey Mom, after Christmas I want you to take me to get my ear pierced.”

Me: “What!?”

_____________________

Adam to Elias: “I can’t believe cats have 4 knees, that’s awesome!”

Elias: *Rolling his eyes*

_____________________

Tried to sing Happy Birthday to Adam, he interrupted me to say, “Mom, stop being so gushy.”

_____________________

Me: “Adam why aren’t you watching TV?”

Adam: “Something happened”

Me: “What?”

Sad faced Adam: “A commercial”

_____________________

Adam: “I’m the master!”

Me: “At what?”

Adam: ” Master Cheese stick opener! I rock!”

_____________________

Just heard from the boy’s bedroom “How many Legos can you put in your pants?”

_____________________

Me: “You can’t go outside in your Bugs Bunny PJs.”

Adam: “Why? That’s how I roll”

_____________________

Adam to my nephew Jaden: “Look Jaden I can put my foot in my mouth!”

_____________________

Looking at an “Eye Spy” with Elias & Adam. I was looking for a rabbit…

Elias: “You having trouble Mom, I see it”

Me: “Just give a second, I’ll find it”

Adam: ” Mom’s not stupid, Elias!”

_____________________

Adam to Me: “Get up Mom, it’s morning O’clock in the morning!”

_____________________

Me: “Adam go get your whiffle ball, it’s under the trampoline.”

Adam: “MOM! I don’t have a nipple ball!”

_____________________

Adam to Me:  “Mom I love Strawberries! But they don’t have straws they got little seeds, where is the straw?”

_____________________

Elias to Susan: “So did your belly button talk to you today?”

Dead silence in the car and the roar of laughter..then a collective, “WHAT?!!”

_____________________

Adam to Me:  “I can’t find my XBox cord, it’s under my desk but it’s to dark and my night vision doesn’t work in the daytime!”

_____________________

Adam yelling at Elias:  “If you touch me again, I’m gonna…I’m gonna..I’m gonna do something to YOUUU & It’s gonna hurt a lot!”!

_____________________

Adam & Elias are trying to sing 12 days of Christmas along the radio. Elias just yelled, “I forgot the lizard doves, no I mean turtle..right mom turtle?”

I promised Lissa that I would do this a week ago. As you can see I haven’t…oops. Blogging hasn’t been on my list of things to do lately, only because I’ve been in a “meh” sort of mood. And like her, I haven’t done a blog meme in eleventy hundred years, ha!

Rules:

• Post these rules
• You must post 11 random things about yourself
• Answer the questions set for you in their post
• Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer
• Go to their blog and tell them you’ve tagged them
• No stuff in the tagging section about you are tagged if you are reading this. You legitimately have to tag 11 people!

11 Random Things about Me:

1. Doing laundry is one of my favorite things to do. Yes, I am a mutant. I find it calming and usually do it all in one day.

2. I’m 40yrs old & have never been married. Yes, I have a ring and we will probably get married one of these days. I’ve heard I do things bass-ackwards, so why disappoint them, heh!

3. D, proposed to me in our local newspaper.

4. I hate, yes hate peas! They are mushy, little green weapons of mass destruction. For me, they ruin any dish they are in. I pick them out one by one. I will cook them for my family. I breathe through my mouth, so I don’t have to smell them.

5. I also need to add Lima Beans to #4…BLECH!

6. I have serious trouble baking. It’s a Science and I didn’t do so hot in school with Science and it carried over. You should of seen my honey biscuits I made 2 weeks ago….Oy!

7. My favorite season is summer. I would perfectly happy moving to a place where it never gets cold. But never will, because I can’t be away from my family.

8. When D & I first started dating he composed an entire album of music for me.

9. A couple of years ago I discovered I am a romance junkie. I read a lot, in between commercials, before bed, outside and now I will read while working out. So far this year I have read 31 books.

10. I am not a blond. My hair is actually a dull, mousy brown. I’ve colored my hair for over 20yrs.

11. We have recently converted our garage into a gym. I have no excuses for not getting my workouts done.

Here are the questions I was tagged with:

• Do you lie about your weight on your driver’s license?

I used to, but not anymore! Yeah, baby!

• What is your favorite quote/saying?

It’s actually one that was spoken to me by a wonderful friend, just the other day.

“Struggling is what makes us survivors. Without struggle there would be no reason to fight…” ~Tara

• Where is the best place you’ve ever traveled?

I traveled a lot when I was younger, but as a family we don’t. Maybe in a couple of years, I’ll have a better answer. Since we live so close to the beach, it’s the best place for us.

• Do you put your dirty dishes in the dishwasher as they become dirty, or do you pile them in the sink a mile high?

I don’t have a dishwasher…sob! I hand wash dishes at least 2-3 times a day. I can’t stand dishes in the sink.

• Name your all-time favorite blog.

Oh wow, I don’t have one. I love so many. Especially my fellow fitness/weight loss and book review bloggers.

• Are you more like your mother or your father?

I am a perfect mix of both. I am patient, sensitive, compassionate and wear my heart on my sleeve like my mother. I look like my father, I have his huge heart, and his sense of humor.

• What time period in your life has been your favorite so far?

This part. These last 11yrs with D, my kids, my home and my friends. I am finally where I want to be and very happy.

• Share one of your long-term goals.

To be healthy. To continue my goal towards a healthy weight. And get through the teenage years with my 3 boys. Ha!

• And a short-term goal.

To be able to work it out, so that I can attend FitBloggin in Sept.

• Can you shoot a gun?

Yes!

• Do you consider yourself judgmental?

I really try hard not to be. I think we all are in some part. I like to know all sides to everything, before I make a judgment.

People I am tagging:

1. Erin
2. Shannan
3. Michelle
4. Elise
5. Maria
6. Penny
7. Audrey
8. Suzanne
9. Tara
10. Ann
11. April

My Questions for you:

1. Do you have a hidden special talent?
2. Is there one thing that we would be just *gasp* to know about you?
3. It’s 7am, what are you doing right now?
4. If you could do/have anything, just one thing, what would it be?
5. If I were to look in your refrigerator what would be the 1st thing I would see?
6. Are you doing exactly what you thought you would, at this time in your life?
7. If not, what did you think you would be doing?
8. A perfect day for you would be?
9. Toilet paper debate: Over or under? Why?
10. What’s one word that would describe you?
11. What is your guilty pleasure?

Make sure you come back, leave me a comment with your link

I have chosen a few that I really love. If you want to see a complete gallery of my work click here. Click the image to see it larger.

Don’t Quit

Past to Present

The land of Chalk Drawings

Family=

I love You

Girl With Attitude

Forever Always

My Grandmother

Siblings

My Sister

My Niece

Random Peek

Book Love

Merry Christmas from Heaven

A New Year brings all kinds of new starts, new goals and new and old promises to yourself. What ever you decide to do, don’t be like me and fake it.

Up until today, I’ve been faking my weight loss journery. I said all the right things to myself and even convinced myself that I was doing them.

I wrote this blog post back in November (Life is Hard…Food is Easy). I took the advice given and it lasted maybe 2 weeks, if that. So here I am, again.

I was talking to a friend today and I was finally completely honest with her and myself. This is what I said:

I say I’ve started, but not like before. I don’t have the drive I did before, it’s just not there. To much emotional crap in my way. I’ll get there, who knows when. I say what people want to hear from me, it’s better than the poor pitiful me posts about where I have days I can’t even get off the couch. No one wants to hear that.

I’ll always be hurting, there is no getting over that. I am not the kind of person that needs that kind of attention. And I don’t want to post about it and having people think they need to make it better, when it won’t be. It never WILL!

I just keep thinking there are more important things going on than that. I have to work this out on my own. I am the type of person who has to be there for everyone else, to make sure everyone else is ok. And plus there really isn’t anything that anyone can do.

Her response:

Life happens and being honest with yourself and how you feel is more important than scales or exercise mintutes. But it IS what it is and letting people know and support you isn’t seeking attention. It is part of the healing process. But it WILL get better. It will never be OK but it will get better.

I know you well enough to know that you probably look at that lack of will as some sort of personal failure when that is so totally not the case!

Then I told her to get out of my head..LOL! She is right. 2010 I was on fire, dropped 70lbs. 2011 sucked! I failed in 2011 and not having the will to get up and do this again is another failure. I am a great supporter and cheerleader for other people, because I’ve been there and I want them to have great success.  Why don’t I want the same for myself?

Since I have told the truth (again), I should publicly make some small goals and get help from you.

Goals

1. Water, I love water. Got to get up and fill it.
2. Smaller meals & less snacking
3. NO emotional eating, find something else to do when I am feeling the need to sit on the couch.
4. I do not have to be perky, chipper Trish all the darn time..stop faking it. Take the time I need to deal with my emotions.
5. Find someone to talk to when I need it. Stop hiding.
6. Finally 1st small weight loss goal, 10lbs.

I feel like I should apologize to everyone, but in reality it is myself that I need to say that too. As Tara & Meegan said to me in November I need, “to be kind to myself and to my heart.”

I signed up for the New Shrinking Jeans Challenge-Shrink Yourself in 2012. Our Moms group has a small weight loss/get healthy group. This is a great (re) start for me. Both places rock when it comes to encouragement & support.  There is no reason for me to do this all by myself.

It’s time to start to heal, my brother would want that for me.

There are some things that I don’t do well, shocker, huh? Baking is on the top of that list. Betty Crocker I am not! I burn slice n’ bake cookies.

Thanksgiving was going to be hard for us, so when my sister asked for a Coconut Custard Pie, there was only one thing to do….make it myself.

The hard part was trying to find the perfect, but easy recipe. Twitter is so lovely for things like this.

I tweeted that I need a tried and true recipe for coconut custard pie, within  minutes I received several replies.  I decided to go with Rubi Jayne’s recipe.

You can visit her blog (Coconut Cream Pie Recipe(s) – for @TrishB)
to see both of the recipes she posted for me.

I made the Coconut Custard Pie, and it was the most delicious pie ever. Ruby Jayne rocks!  I followed this recipe with the hands of a surgeon. Scalding milk is serious business, heh. I babied it, watched it, wrapped the crust in aluminum foil so it wouldn’t burn and waited. This is what came out of my oven:

Happy Dance!

All the love I have for my sister was in this pie. I love her more than anything in this world. If I could give just one small piece of happiness this Thanksgiving, I would have done just about anything. I am sure my brother was looking down, watching me make this pie and laughing his butt off.

There were some tears that day, but most off all there was love.

My Brother's Wife Melissa, My Sister Christina & Me

Melissa, Will & Kamryn (My Niece/Nephew). Me, Elias & Adam (My Boys)

Melissa, Christina, Mom & Me

A lot of LOVE!

As hard as a weight loss journey is, sometimes you don’t prepare yourself for the harder things. For me I expected things to get in the way, to have bumps along the road, to go off course from time to time. What I didn’t expect is how I would handle something big, something that I didn’t have control over.  My brother’s sudden death knocked me out, put me flat on my face, and into a almost 3 week secret eating binge.

Life is hard. Sometimes it’s so full of bullshit, I can hardly think, let alone stop the things that I do to myself. And let me tell you, me & my family losing my brother is over the top bullshit. This is where food is easy.

I call it grief eating.

In order to deal with this horrible pain, I’ve been eating it away. Shoving it so far down inside with all kinds of unhealthy things; I really haven’t had time to feel.

When people ask me how I am doing. I say, I’m ok. You see, I can’t really “break” down. Well that’s not true, I did have one, the day I got the call (thank you Shannan for being there). Since then, there have been none. I have always felt that since I am the oldest, I am the one who has to be strong for everyone else. There has to be at least one person who has it all together and be on their toes for what ever some one may need. Again this is an example of how food is easy. Eating gives you comfort. It never fails, it’s there anytime I need it. I don’t need anyone to be there for me, I have food.

On Sunday, I recognized what I was doing. I was just sitting on my bed, thinking about my brother, and I had 4 cookies in my hand. Cookies that I had baked, “for the kids”.  Then I began to feel ill, because I remembered the night before I ate an entire large cheese steak and order of fries.

At that moment, I knew I had to make a choice. I knew I had to reach out to someone. Someone who could relate, another weight loss journey friend. Hoping that they would have some advice on how to get back to where I needed to be.

Tara & Meegan, where right there with a response in a couple of minutes.  What they had to say gave me hope and some peace. I was given permission (not that I need it, but I did) to grieve without food.  I need to go back to the basics. Start from the beginning. Start logging my food, so I would conscientiously have to decide what to eat. And more importantly, permission to be kind to myself and to my heart.

I have to cope with my feelings and not eat them.

I am mad, and so profoundly sad that I will have to go through the rest of my life with out seeing this beautiful smile in person.

Yesterday, was a new day.

I let myself feel.

I didn’t eat excessively.

I logged my food.

I cried a lot.

Today, I stepped on the scale.

Life goes on, whether we are actively participating in it or not.

I choose to participate.

“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.” ~Kenji Miyazawa

I have been working on a project as a keepsake for my brother’s 4 children . I want a dedication for my brother, at the end of an episode of Extreme Home Make Over.

Late Sept/Oct 2011, my brother volunteered with his company to install HVAC in the make over house. His wife also was there, tirelessly donating their time. As you know on 10/31/2011 my brother was killed in a car accident. I have made many, many phone calls and have sent countless emails to executives, producers and designers. I still haven’t heard anything. I probably won’t, but I will not give up.

My brother was very proud of the work he was able to do for the family. He even personally helped one of the designers (Paige Hemmis). The A/C in her trailer stopped working and  my brother fixed it for her. He said how nice she and appreciative she was.

We have these pictures of him & his wife from the MakeOver site and they make me smile. He was a master of his craft and the family will be warm this winter and cool next summer.

Extreme Home Make Over

Extreme Home Make Over

My Brother's Wife-Melissa & Ed-Designer

As I said before I will not give up hope that someone will return my call or email. If we aren’t able to get the dedication, we will just purchase copies when it becomes available.

I believe the episode that my brother worked on will air early December.  If any one of my readers may know of another way I could get in touch with someone, please let me know.

It’s been a week since you left us. A week of disbelief, shock, pain and but through all that we smiled and we laughed. I know you loved all the attention you got this past week.  You were always the life of a party.

Oh my, Michael did you see all the people who came? Over two hundred people were packed in that tiny funeral home. They were waiting outside to get in, lined down the street! Did you hear all the wonderful stories that were told? I don’t think I have laughed that much in a long time. I am sure you loved it when Christina & I stood up and gave our tribute to you and we included the time we put you in the dryer when you were 4.

I am sitting here thinking about you.

Your son is here.  He is still sleeping.

I have spent a lot of time with your babies since last week.

Will wore his Steelers Jersey yesterday and was excited to have your friends over for the football party.  Christina took them riding on the big tractor and he was driving. Of course you know me, I panicked the whole time.

You would be happy to know your friends are going to fix that truck you have been working on. At least this one will still have a top on it. We talked about the time you had that little blue truck and you cut the top off in the middle of winter. You were proud of that and we are still going what the…..! I never did understand why you did some of the crazy stuff you did. You are one of a kind.

Melissa is giving Christina your P90X DVD’s. Which made me laugh because the last time we were together, you were so sore because you had just started it. But you hugged me anyway, you told me you loved me.

I told your wife that there was so much I wanted to say to you. You & I, we had our problems, didn’t we. I always tried to Mother you, even though you were 30.  I guess that is what big sisters are for, right? I think it was in my job description when you were born.

I never told enough how much I loved you or how proud I was of you. I know you knew, but I wish I said the words more often. I don’t have guilt or regrets of the times we were at each other, because if we didn’t love each other,  we wouldn’t have bothered.

Thirty years with you wasn’t enough. Sometimes when I go to bed, I think when I  wake up the next morning, it would all of have a dream. But it isn’t is it? You’re gone, in a much better place and now there is a huge hole in my heart.

I know our Grandparents were there to met you and now watching over you. I am doing what I do best and looking out for Mom, Dad and the rest of our family.

AND don’t you worry about your children. I won’t let them out of my sight.

Whatever they need I’ll get it.

I.PROMISE.YOU!

I love you more than words can say. I will miss you, until I see you again.

My Sister Christina, Me & My Brother Michael

I am so lucky to be part of such a big variety of weight loss places. Places where, support, encouragement and advice is key in helping anyone on a weight loss journey. You can never have to many places or people in your life when it comes to weight loss support!

One of those places is Twitloss. A group of woman that started sharing their journeys on Twitter. I followed them all on Twitter and the Twitloss blog. Just recently I was asked to be a contributing writer. To share my journey, my struggles, my victories and any advice I have for others.

Today was my first blog post over there. Oh the Places You’ll Go!

I hope you will stop by and say Hello.

Over the course of my weight loss journey I have met some of the most wonderful people. People who share the same struggles and victories. I have those who I know in real life that are going through this and I have those who I have met online. My online friends have become as close to me as my real life friends. You can never have enough people on your side cheering you on, supporting you, helping you to walk away from cheesecake, pushing you to do one more workout or just one more mile.

I joined a great community a while back, Shrinking Jeans. They issued challenges, wrote about the right/wrong way to go about losing weight, got me running and became one of my biggest cheerleaders. Earlier this year they welcomed me as part of their “family” as one of their Social Sisters for the ‘Hood. Since that time I have gotten to know each one of their writers on a more personal level and all I can say is they are more extraordinary than I thought possible.

This is where I ask for your help.

The SisterHood of the Shrinkingjeans has been nominated for SHAPE Best Blogger Award

If you could please just take a second to click on the above badge and vote for them. You don’t have to register, just click to vote. That’s it! I want them to have this award. They deserve it. The time they have spent helping me and 1,000′s of others reach their potential is outstanding.

WHAT? No, it’s not even Halloween yet.

This year I am going to try to be ready early. I say that every year and every year I get a little further behind than the year before. One thing I fall behind on is Christmas Cards. I usually wait until the last minute and have to end up getting a blah box of cards from a store.  There was one year I did take the time to snap a photo of my kids and send them out, on time no less. You want to know what year that was? 2003. Eight years ago! So embarrassing!

This year I find myself with a to do list that is already on page 2 and not many things crossed off. I am determined to get a great photo of my boys and make some beautiful cards.

I swoon over the cards that the members of my Moms group give to each of us at our annual Christmas Party. I love cards and all the pretty faces of my friends and their family. I take all of those beautiful cards and tape them around my bookshelf.  After Christmas, I trim up the photos and pin them to my memo board in my kitchen. Speaking of which I am running out of room…hmmm, must get another memo board and figure out where to put it.

My favorite type of  cards are those that just not only say Merry Christmas but are something that is fun and quirky. Like a silly family shot, a photo of kids baking making a mess, your pet with it’s head in a stocking or colors that aren’t typically are associated with the Holidays. I am a silly type of gal!

Going through the Tiny Prints site, I found a couple that I really love:

I have so many ornaments on my tree from over the years and I think this would be a nice addition to my collection for my family and me.

Ohhh this one is so fun! I love that I can put so many photos on there, especially the silly ones!

Naughty or Nice. I wonder which one my boys will fall under this year..ha!

Oh this one has the title of my favorite Christmas song!

There are just to many to choose from, I love them all! Decisions, Decisions! You will have to go take a peek at the Tiny Prints Holiday Line. Trust me you won’t just be peeking you will be browsing for an hour. Good luck picking just one!

This post was sponsored by Tiny Prints:

Shop Early, Save Big! 15% Off Holiday Card Orders of $99+ or 20% Off $199+ | Code: HOLCARD11| Ends 10/11

Do you need some? I sure as heck do, especially now! Things have changed for me this year, well not so much in my journey as in my frame of mind. I was talking to one of my friends, as we sat on the beach, and I came to the startling conclusion that I have been battle the same 7lbs all year. Up & down over and over again. My weight really hasn’t changed at all.

The whole day afterwards (even after her words of encouragement) I was upset! One of the reasons is, I looked at it as a failure. Because let’s face it, I could have lost another 40 or so lbs in that time. I would love to blame this on my hip injury that caused me not to be as active. I can not do that. It’s me, all me and my motivation. I believe that I have become complacent in my journey.

Motivation: desire to do; interest or drive

Earlier this summer a fitness friend of mine Christie called out for photo’s of  “Your Moments” with a little sentence or 2 about what we were thinking at the time.  I sent mine in. What she posted a little later, was something I wasn’t expecting.

The Jar of Motivation: You in Pictures

“Creating a place where you can see how far you’ve come, a place where other people can see how far you’ve come, but most of all, a place where other people can see how far they too can go.” ~Christie

What I do know is this….I am able to maintain. And that is not a failure! That is something I should be proud of. All I need is a little push, to go further.

Today,  I watched this video again, saw myself & many other inspirational people and teary eyed……

I REACHED INTO THE JAR!

As Hurricane Irene slowly approaches us we are not so patiently waiting for it to be over. We are prepared as we can be. Being a Mom there are lots of things I can control, but Mother Nature I can not.

As I type this, Hurricane Irene should be here around 6pm. I look around my house and I see windows tapped, ply wood boards laying up against the walls, candles, flashlights, cases of water, a suitcase, a bag with food and ice. In my bathroom is full of food, pillows and blankets in case we have to move in there if this gets to bad. Trying to keep my 3 boys calm with all this strange stuff is so hard. Answering questions from them is also hard, they have a lot of  “what ifs”.  So do I.

I want to ask that all my friends pray for us here in little ole Delaware.  I believe in the power of prayer and it can beat the power of a Hurricane.

“Father, all the elements of nature obey your command.  Calm the storms and hurricane that threaten us and turn our fear of your power into praise of your goodness.  Grant this through our Lord Jesus Christ, Your Son, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, forever and ever.  Amen.”

In the past week I have noticed a lot of my friends kids have already gone back to school. I feel blessed because my oldest doesn’t go back until next Monday and my 2 little ones don’t go back until Sept 6th. The thing is we LOVE summer, it’s our favorite season. I adore having all 3 of my boys home with me all day long. So we are trying to squeeze in as much fun as possible.

This year is big for me. I thought that last year, with Adam starting Kindergarten, was a huge milestone, but not really. This year all 3 of my boys will be in school all day. This means I get the house to myself.

I have this vision of me just sitting in the chair in my living room, with the TV off (no cartoons) sipping my coffee, listening to the silence. Oh the silence. I am a little freaked out because it will be so quiet. No “Mom” a thousand times a day or “can I have a snack”.

I may have to say those 2 statements to myself, so I don’t go crazy.  I think, I say I think, because who knows what I’ll do, but I think I will be making myself a schedule. I know me, I will clean the whole house in one day and have nothing left to do but stare at the cat. Because, think about it, there is only so much cleaning you can do or want to do, HA!

I know I will be missing  those smiling little dirty faces, or I may find myself floating in my pool all by myself thinking, wow this is nice.

Big changes for our house this school year, 1st grade, 4th grade & 8th grade. I just hope I can keep up.

This post was brought to you by Tiny Prints. A must for Back to School shopping. Stop by to see what Tiny Prints have to offer.  From Lunch Box Notes, Allergy Cards, Teacher Stationary, Teacher Appreciation Cards, Notebooks, Note Pads and Activity Planners. Tiny Prints has a wonderful selection!