Acceptance
“When your feathers are soaked and your eyes are too bloody to see,
and you pulled every punch that you had but there’s one that you need,
then you’ve waited too long, there’s a hole in your heart,
and all you’ve become is emotionally overrun.”
~Gavin DeGraw
This was me.
About a month ago, I was watching an episode of Grey’s Anatomy (season 6). One of their closest friends died. I wasn’t sure that I could get through it. I am glad that I did, because the dialogue hit me so hard.
Meredith (narrating): The dictionary defines grief as keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret. As surgeons, as scientists, we’re taught to learn from and rely on books, on definitions, on definitives. But in life, strict definitions rarely apply. In life, grief can look like a lot of things that bear little resemblance to sharp sorrow.
Lexie: “Grief may be a thing we all have in common, but it looks different on everyone.”
Mark: “It isn’t just death we have to grieve. It’s life. It’s loss. It’s change.”
Alex: “And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad. The thing we gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime.”
Izzie: “That’s how you stay alive. When it hurts so much you can’t breathe, that’s how you survive.”
Derek: “By remembering that one day, somehow, impossibly, you won’t feel this way. It won’t hurt this much.”
Bailey: “Grief comes in its own time for everyone, in its own way.”
Owen: “So the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty.”
Meredith: “The really crappy thing, the very worst part of grief is that you can’t control it.”
Arizona: “The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes.”
Callie: “And let it go when we can.”
Meredith: “The very worst part is that the minute you think you’re past it, it starts all over again.”
Cristina: “And always, every time, it takes your breath away.”
Meredith: “There are five stages of grief. They look different on all of us, but there are always five.”
Alex: “Denial.”
Derek: “Anger.”
Bailey: “Bargaining.”
Lexie: “Depression.”
Richard: “Acceptance.”
When the episode was over, I knew that someday I would get to acceptance.
Finally, I am there.
All the other blog posts I wrote about myself and all the advice in the world, wasn’t going to help me. Not until I got here….acceptance.
To quote myself: “Life goes on, whether we are actively participating in it or not. I choose to participate.”
Hello life, I’m back!
A New Year brings all kinds of new starts, new goals and new and old promises to yourself. What ever you decide to do, don’t be like me and fake it.
As hard as a weight loss journey is, sometimes you don’t prepare yourself for the harder things. For me I expected things to get in the way, to have bumps along the road, to go off course from time to time. What I didn’t expect is how I would handle something big, something that I didn’t have control over. My brother’s sudden death knocked me out, put me flat on my face, and into a almost 3 week secret eating binge.
At that moment, I knew I had to make a choice. I knew I had to reach out to someone. Someone who could relate, another weight loss journey friend. Hoping that they would have some advice on how to get back to where I needed to be.
This post was brought to you by 
I didn’t get a chance to blog last week’s check in. Unfortunately I was attending another funeral.
Roxie
